by Jason Rothfuss

Recently, I was asked the question of what to avoid when a family begins to homeschool. This is really kind of a backward question (not what we should do, but what we should not do). The “backwardness” made it somehow fitting for me to address, so here is my answer.

I would say there are 3 general things to avoid.

1. Avoid the thought that it will be easy.
If you plan to homeschool because you think it will be easier than getting your kids up and out the door on school mornings; stop reading now. I am going to speak to where I see most new homeschoolers coming from. That is, relatively young, with young-ish children (usually under 2nd or 3rd grade) who have been in some large school setting. Generally, from my experience, the parents are relatively energetic; OK I’ll say driven, to do the “right” thing for their children. This group, while willing to work hard, generally expects that they are going to work hard, and things will go smoothly. They are mistaken. Things will not always go smoothly. (Does anything involving humans working closely together go smoothly all the time?) It will be great, it will be rewarding, it will be invigorating; but there will be days....
So don’t be surprised, expect them. Plan for them. Make a plan “B” for when everything falls apart – like the days when you have no lesson plan or your plan is thwarted because the reading lesson makes your daughter cry and the math lesson makes your son cry. By the way, plan “B” does not have to be fancy, it could be a unit study that you came across and put aside for just such an occasion, or a trip to the Zoo – just have one.
I’m not just speaking to homeschooling mothers. As a homeschooling father, your difficulties will be different, but you should expect them none the less. There will be days when mom will call to say “your son” can’t be taught, or the lesson plans she made are worthless. Then you’ll need to put your work aside – yes, the work that is making it possible to homeschool at all – and attend to her need for affirmation, support and love. Depending on the severity of the situation, your affirmation, support and love may need to be expressed by taking the rest of the day off to restore order or just to do something fun.

2. Avoid curriculum.
Unlike early homeschoolers, we are blessed to have many good curriculum options. But rather than feeling blessed, many beginning homeschool parents feel “stressed out” by all the options. Everywhere you turn, there are good, solid, programs books and methods you could use. The old timers tend to add to the stress by rattling off all the titles they can think of when they sit down with a new recruit. The old timers have a lot of knowledge (and some of them even wisdom), so let them talk, just keep in mind that curriculum is not the most important thing.
If you push me, I’ll admit that curriculum at school, even a homeschool is necessary, but not ALL curriculum. You must pick ONE. Even if all the options swim through your head every night. Even if the consumables are better with Math A and the teachers guide is better in Math B. Even if they used Program A at school last year and you think Program B has better graphics. You still must pick only one. So get some advice, look at the options, and pick a good one. Curriculum is an obvious thing; it is usually the first thing, but it is not the most important - especially when you are just starting out.
You can change curriculum, your children will not be stunted. What is most important starting out is connecting with your children. For many it is re-connecting, for some it is connecting for the first time. Your first semester (or perhaps year) of homeschooling, the main goal is to connect with your children. You may get started schooling and realize your son or daughter has a character issue that you hadn’t seen before. That is why you are homeschooling, and that is what the first semester or year is about. Working on rebuilding their ability to be trusted or their attitude becomes part of every lesson. Perhaps it is a self esteem issue that comes up. Then you spend those first months using whatever curriculum you’ve chosen to pour love and acceptance into your child.
In the process, you may find out you have character or self esteem issues of your own to work out. Nothing brings out these things like sitting in front of little mirrors everyday.

3. Avoid activities.
In terms of activities, less is more. Here in America we have been taught to embrace the AND versus the OR. And we have learned this lesson well. Everyone around us has their children away at school during the day, and then sister is in dance on Tuesday, volleyball - Friday practice Saturday games, while brother has baseball practice on Monday and Thursday, with 38 games a month on the other days - until basketball season starts. When parents begin homeschooling, many are still rushing around trying to keep up with all the rest. It isn’t working for the rest of society, but we can’t help ourselves, we have to try to be “normal” in some aspect of our lives.
Find a way to accommodate your child’s need to be social, their need to be physically active, and cut the rest- “OR” some things out of your schedule. It turns out you can’t do all the ANDs. You can’t be at church every time the doors are open AND have each of the kids in 2 sports a year (not including swim lessons) AND dance AND music lessons AND have a peaceful household and a homeschool with children ready to learn. All the activities parents cram into their children’s lives can’t be done without children losing part of what makes a child a child - freedom to wonder, to create, to explore. Our children are regimented and rushed through their childhood. But the activities come at the expense of intimacy with your children.

Many of these ideas have come from a few books that I respect, and have listed below:

How to Really Love Your Child – Dr. Ross Campbell
Shepherding the Childs Heart – Tedd Tripp
Jumping Ship – Michael Pearl